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Category: Computers

How do you know if a blond has used a computer? A:if there's white out on the screen.
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How to Determine if Technology has Taken Over Your Life 1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead. 2. You can no longer sit through an entire movie without having . . .
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"Duuuuuude! Bummer!" "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect." "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery." "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with ‘60 minutes.' Press 3 if you're with the FTC." "Hold on a second, please ... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
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God, grant me the serenity to accept a post I cannot change, Courage to walk past the computer without turning it on when I'm running late for work, And the wisdom to know the difference between "come to bed now" meaning "let's have some fun" and "come to bed NOW" meaning "that computer has got to go"! -Amen
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"Excuse me, sir." "Is that you again, Moses?" "I'm afraid it is, sir." "What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?" "How did you guess?" "I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?" "Oh, yeah. I forgot." "Tell me what you want, Moses." "But you already know. Remember?" "Moses!" "Sorr . . .
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There are four major species of Unix sysad: The Technical Thug. Usually a systems programmer who has been forced into system administration; writes scripts in a polyglot of the Bourne shell, sed, C, awk, perl, and APL. The Administrative Fascist. Usually a retentive drone (or rarely, a harridan ex-secretary) who has been forced into system administration. The Maniac. Usually an aging cracker who discovered that neither the Mossad nor Cu . . .
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As I boot up my PC, my modem dailing next to me, I ask the Lord, give me a sign.... Will I ever get on-line? If you'd kindly let me through, I'll byte no more than I can chew. I'll surf the waves amid the Net, with my mouse, my loyal pet. And through each window I will see the websites that are offered me. Resisting any chat room's lure, I'll download only what is pure. If s . . .
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You look really sexy in that...thing you've got on tonight. I like the way your eyes are always open when you read your E-mail. When you type, it reminds me of a concert pianist tinkling on her keys. You really know how to push the right buttons to turn me on. If I wasn't a computer, I'd show you what "Hard Drive" really means! But Alas, I'm only a bundle of circuits and wires, obeying your every command. Yes, mistress! I'll balance your chec . . .
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Dear Sir, I've been having some conflicts between programs lately. I've been running the original version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 as my primary application and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately and it works okay. GirlFr . . .
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A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk. "Kiss me and I will turn into a princess." The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket. The frog starts shouting, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours." The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back. The frog is really frustrated. "I don't get it. Wh . . .
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