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Search jokes for:   Category: Aviation On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Gatwick Airport. My wife headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners' line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit. "Pleasure," I replied. "I'm on my honeymoon." The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. "That's very interesti . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' I invented the cordless extension cord. I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. Right now I . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke 70 Ways To Tell You've Been Online Too Long 1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help. 2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL". 3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. 4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other. 5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out". 6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke John Kerry visits a primary school and sits in on one of the classes, which is in the middle of a discussion of words and their meaning. The teacher asks Mr. Kerry if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy". So, the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along an . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke The President was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to contain himself, "There's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke Yo Mama So old that I told her to act her age and she died. Yo Mama So old that when she was in school they didn't have history. Yo Mama So nasty she brought her own crabs to the beach. Yo Mama So ugly we tied a steak to her neck so she could play with the family dog. Yo Mama So stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund. Yo Mama So fat she played billiards with the planets. Yo Mama So fat she sat on a rainbow and made skittles. Yo Mama So fat she sat . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke Flight Training Journal Week 1 Monday: Rain Tuesday: Rain Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either. Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't know enough to take instructor to lunch. Friday: Fly! Do first stall - and second stall during same maneuver. Cover instructor with lunch. Week 2 Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off plexiglass with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch. Tuesday: Inst . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Good lord!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling conf . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke Two mathematicians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but not to worry, there were three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, the pilot again came over the intercom. He announced that a second engine failed, and while they still had two left, it would now take 10 hours to get to New York. Somewhat later, the intercom . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power. Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some ba . . . Rating: Email this joke Rate this joke << Last Page       Send this page to a friend!