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Category: Business             Rating: 2.00
  • "I know how to deal with stressful situations"
    • I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of coffee breaks.
  • "I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication and organizational skills"
    • I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
  • "I'm extremely adept at all manners of office organization"
    • I've used Microsoft Office.
  • "I'm honest, hardwordking, and dependable"
    • I pilfer office supplies.
  • "My pertinent work experience includes"
    • I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
  • "I take pride in my work"
    • I blame others for my mistakes.
  • "I'm personable"
    • I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
  • "I'm willing to relocate"
    • As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is better.
  • "I'm extremely professional"
    • I carry a Franklin Planner.
  • "My background and skills match your requirements"
    • You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
  • "I am adaptable"
    • I've changed jobs a lot.
  • "I'm highly motivated to succeed"
    • The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there.
  • "I have formal training"
    • I'm a college dropout.
  • "Thank you for time and consideration"
    • Wait! Don't throw me away!
  • "I look forward to hearing from you soon"
  • Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.

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